I had one of those moments today……you know, those moments that touch your heart, and you wish you could bottle it.   Freeze time in some way.  Capture it on instant replay in your mind and relive it when you feel down.

But you can’t.

This Monday morning, I was dropping my 9 year old off at school, a beautiful, hot, humid San Diego morning.  Freshly French braided blond hair, backpack overflowing, accompanied by eagerness to tackle another day of fourth grade.

As we walked towards her classroom, we noticed the green grass was freshly cut, and looking perfect.  She pointed out how when it’s getting long, that some blades of grass are way higher than others, and “It looks weird Mommy.”

I smile….savouring the moment for some reason.  I try to do that as often as I can, but today, especially so.  Perhaps there was something in the air.

We had just spent a wonderful weekend together….Mommy and daughter time, no agenda, no time frames to keep, time with friends and enjoying our Southern California lifestyle.

Been going through lots of highly stressful circumstances lately personally, and those weekends, moments, days with my daughter…..are truly what I cherish to get me through.

We got to her classroom early…..only a couple of children already there.  She usually wants me to stay until the bell, when she gets called into the classroom and files into line with her classmates.   And usually I do.

Just in the last week or so, she’s turned “that” corner.  Where she used to light up and run to me when I would pick her up……now, it’s the saddening of the face, when she sees me arrive.  Because she is leaving her friends that she only sees at lunch, recess, and after class gets out for the day.  She tells me that she loves to see me, but I know that she’s torn.

I get it.

I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sting…..because it does.  Overnight it seems, my little one has begun to separate.

A healthy, and important part of growing up, I know.  I study conscious parenting, psychology, spirituality, and life.  Our relationship is unique, trusting, and close…..I know my role is to help nurture her spirit, help her grow, learn, and become a woman with her passions and purpose in place.

To set her free in a world, knowing who she is, what matters to her, when to share her heart, when to hold her ground, and when to walk away and leave it be.

After a few minutes of small talk with her teacher, some other parents, I intercepted her running by playing a game of chase, and told her I’d be leaving as there were only a few minutes left before school started.  And she should play with her friends and get some energy out.

We said goodbye, and I began walking towards the entrance to the school.

Twenty seconds later, as I am slowly walking down the ramp away from her classroom, I hear “Mommy, Mommy!!!!!!!!!”

I turn, and see my tweener 9 year old, running towards me, ducking under the handrail that separates the walkway and the grass where she was just running around playing.

She grabs me and hugs me, and says, “Mommy don’t leave yet, come here.”

She takes my hand, a mere few moments before that she was too grown up to hold…..and leads me back to her classroom.

We pull up chairs at her desk, and she begins to read to me from her biography on William Shakespeare she is studying for her book report.

She reads to me out loud…..very “academic-like”……while I sit next to her, in a chair far too small for my long legs……and I listen to every word.

A few minutes go by, and I forget the friend who had called me as I was walking in to the school, in a desperate place in her life needing to talk.  I forget about the timeline I was on for the day, making sure all would get accomplished before having to pick her up later in the day.

None of it mattered.

What mattered, was I could tell this little girl had something she was trying to communicate.  I didn’t quite know what, I just felt that it was important.  So I stayed.

She closed the book after a few minutes of reading, to announce that she probably should stop here.

She put her book back in her desk, and stood up and walked outside with me.

She hugged and kissed me goodbye again, and said “Bye, Mommy…….”

I bid her farewell, and turned to leave, yet not before I noticed a slightly concerned look on her face.

“Mommy, I hate to see you walking away from me……I don’t want to watch that so I’m going to go inside now, OK?”

“Ok sweetie.  I’ll see you later,” was all I could muster.

Just at the moment I was saddened about her growing up faster than I wanted……she reminded me that she’s still there.  She’s straddling that invisible fence, that she’ll be dancing around for a while.

We all know that push/pull time when we see our children doing what they should, and then coming back to that vulnerable place of needing us.  I know those days will be fewer and farther between, and I take none of them for granted.

Thank you little one, for showing me your heart, always…..and teaching me more on a daily basis than I ever knew was possible.

Is there a moment in your memory that you treasure?  Please share…..