I was fortunate to be interviewed yesterday for an article on NBC’s Today.com about a recent study linking authoritative parenting with obesity.
This really fascinating topic is only briefly discussed in this article, but I am not in the least surprised.
For several reasons.
First of all, my initial question is “well, how do you define authoritative parenting?” That broad statement in and of itself invites big questions in my mind.
Let’s keep it simple and just use it as they define it in the article.
Like I said in the interview, teaching my child to listen to her body, and to her own inner decision making, is vitally important in my long term journey as a parent.
Equally important is making sure that my daughter is learning healthy eating habits.
Like I said to the interviewer, the first thing we should do is model healthy eating in our home, especially as our children are young. This is vitally important up through age 6 when their brain is literally like a tape recorder downloading every experience into the unconscious mind.
The other major piece of this topic is the idea that from the get go, I want to be teaching my child to listen to her own inner guidance system – about everything. That does not mean that I allow her to choose everything – let me be clear – however that does mean that is the paradigm from which I parent. Whether it be food choices, what to wear, when to do her homework, or anything she is needing to “do.”
I did a video blog post about this a while back, which explains this in more detail, but essentially, I don’t want to be my child’s barometer. I want her to learn to first look to herself, her instinct, her intuition, her knowledge, her experience, her values, her heart – rather than lazily just ask me for an answer.
Because of this, there have been times she has overindulged in an extra dessert at a birthday party, and she hasn’t felt well afterwards. Prior to this, I have had a consistent dialogue of listening to your body, and how you feel when you eat certain things, and how some things might taste good, but they aren’t going to make you strong, or they make you tired, or jittery, or whatever. As a result, she’s got an incredible sense of eating well, enjoying treats, but not going overboard.
I know, I know ,most parents think that if you leave it up to a child, they’ll go all Tazmanian devil on you. And they will, if you haven’t given them a good foundation to begin with. You cannot just do this with an overweight child who has developed a palate for processed junk food and watches you do the same at every meal or snack time.
But you CAN start moving in the right direction, even in that situation.
As this is such a large topic, with many aspects, I may do more later on this to get more in-depth. If I get numerous comments below, I’ll know it would be worth investigating and discussing further.
To read the full text of the article, click here.
Interesting, I was just having this conversation with my Mom in the context of the famous “marshmallow” study. I was raised with no access to soda, or any junk food, but as soon as I got a car in high school I gained 20 pounds, because I now had access to fast food and junk via my own transportation. It took me till my mid 20s to go back to healthy eating habits. Now as I am raising a two year old, I am wondering if my withholding junk food (but not all treats, we did just make cookies), I will make him crave it more.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us, as it is something that is more common than people think. There are a couple of factors that influence that, which I have not written about here yet, but will touch on briefly now.
First, there is something called “counterwill” which is a normal function of individuation in children – and it’s a natural physical principle that there are times when we push, they push back no matter what it is. The harder we push, the harder they push back – healthy children do this from time to time as part of their evolution if you will.
The other aspect is a piece of the universal law of vibration, which I study quite a bit. We’ve all heard the saying “What we resist persists.” It’s because we give attention to something unwanted, and it remains in our consciousness and in our experience. It’s better to focus our attention on what is wanted ( like in this case, healthy choices, good decision making, strong bodies) and then what is unwanted falls away.
At age 2, he’s still so young that the best thing you can do for him in the long run, is to model healthy choices, and when you have a treat, enjoy it and revel in it – and if you can, make a “healthier” version of it. Life is also to be enjoyed, and there are ways to enjoy treats that are not full of chemicals and preservatives. There are far too many people who are so strict in their adherence to healthy eating that their stress level makes them just as unhealthy as someone who doesn’t eat as well, but is truly happy in their life. (I realize that is a loaded statement, but you probably get my point). 🙂
This is excellent! I think people over complicate things. Keeping it simple, as you say, is key. Thank you for this great post.