Since I have posted this entry, I have had a flood of traffic to my post coming from people searching for “how to stop someone from posting photos of my child online.” I have had more new visitors stumbling upon my web site from random search engine searches from this post than any other post in my blog’s history.
To me, that means this topic is of significant concern to many more people than just me.
I’ll reiterate again, that my point in writing about this topic was not even to discuss whether it is (or is not) safe to put a child’s photo on FB.
I do not judge or fault a parent for putting their child’s photo online. That is their choice, for their family. THEY are in charge of THEIR privacy settings, THEIR friends, THEIR online visibility.
I am, however, an advocate for the following concept.
Just because many people do it, or it’s “socially acceptable” to do it, does not give people the green light to do it. Or because I think it’s OK, does not mean someone else does also.
How many of us have had (as adults) someone post a photo of you on FB and tag you, and you don’t want them to have it on there? You can untag yourself, but you can’t delete it from their account. This is especially relevant to photos of minors.
I could have easily written about this idea using any of several other examples. I chose to write about Facebook photos BECAUSE it is such a “socially acceptable” thing in many people’s minds.
I’ve gotten some private messages from people in my life saying, “What’s the big deal? Everyone does it – stop being so paranoid.”
They are so focused on convincing me that it is OK to put photos online, that they are missing the main point of the post.
So let me use some other examples that illustrate said point.
- When I host one of my daughter’s friends over here for a playdate, I don’t automatically assume anything. I ask the parent, “Are there any food allergies or restrictions?”
- Before giving a birthday gift, I ask the other parent “Hey, is there anything that would NOT be OK to give your child?”
- As a last minute resort (that I’ve not had to use) but have asked about, is about television on a playdate. I ask the parent, “Are you OK if they end up watching a show? Are there any restrictions on what shows are or are not OK?”
- If the children are going to see a movie in the theater, I make sure the movie is fine with the other parent.
There are many things in life, that we don’t think are a big deal – but someone else MIGHT. While we might make mistakes, and we can’t be paralyzed by the idea we can’t please everyone, we at least should think for a minute before doing something that affects another parent. And do the best we can. Too many people, however, do not – which is why I wrote about this idea to begin with.
The most important lesson in this example to me is as follows (which relates to conscious parenting).
The more that our children can see us as adults, being considerate of other parents and families, the more our children will learn to do the same.
Being aware that others have different values, or needs, and honoring them in a considerate manner, is a life skill that will go far beyond the immediate future.
That does not mean that I care more about others than I do about myself….it means that I consider the repercussions of my actions when I chose my path.
I want my daughter to see that her mom cares to ask other people about what is important to them – in addition to knowing what is important to herself.
I want her to learn that because we allow jumping on the living room couch at our house, does not mean it is OK to do at another person’s home.
The ironic thing is that I’m not even paranoid, or worried, that something terrible might actually happen from someone posting her photo. That said, however, I still don’t want another person posting pics of my daughter on FB.
But ooops! I digress….as that is not even the point of the original post. J
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