While this video is currently going viral, as a “Happy Father’s Day” video, I wanted to share this here for more than that reason. While many people are calling this video “hilarious” and “Oh boy I feel SO bad for that dad” I have a completely different response. While I’m also sure this video was staged, in the end, I believe it has a far more significant message.
What I see is a dad who just taught his daughter that he is there for her. That she is safe. That in her upset and overwhelm, he won’t leave her alone. That the world is a safe place, not a place to be feared.
I can already hear some of the objections to those comments, so let me explain further. (these following ideas are based on my long time study of brain development and parenting, not just my opinion as a mom).
Within seconds of the baby snuggling on her dad’s belly, it was as though there was an off switch. When he stirred, she began fussing again, and instinctively crawling on top of him even more, to ensure his staying there with her. No matter which way he moves, in an effort to escape, this child “knows” and keeps him there.
Believe it or not, by helping his daughter calm down, she is learning to self-regulate. The opposite of what many parents believe to be the case. “Babies need to learn to self-soothe” is an often used phrase, and while they can “learn to self-soothe” in essence what that is, is a shutting down, and turning inward, a protective learned mechanism. On the outside they may seem fine, but on the inside, it’s a different story. While that may be hard to hear, it’s important to know.
Many may think it’s funny, but for me, I felt an angst for this little baby girl.
While some parents would see this as “the baby is tired, the baby needs to cry it out” by the immediacy of the calmed response, it’s clear that is what that child needed. Even at the beginning, he tried to just put her down and she desperately jumped back up to reach out to him.
What happened in this situation exactly? This dad just wired his daughter’s brain, that the world is a safe place. The more circumstances in her brain receives messages that she is “safe” the more of her body’s resources will be available for exploring, learning, growing, and thriving. Neural pathways in the brain and unconscious emotional and behavioral patterns are forming every moment….and situations that cause stress, can increase cortisol levels which have a significant impact in brain development, the immune system, and future behavioral and emotional patterns.
Staged or not, this baby’s cries were real. Her response to his close physical proximity were real.
Watching this video, it is hard to deny that interaction’s significance.
For whatever reason that night, the baby wanted to be close. And parents, this is what you signed up for after all.
And when your child leaves home to go off to college, you’ll look back on those nights where you were truly a parent, doing what you could for your child, in their best interest, and not your own. And if you are truly honest with yourself, you’d likely agree with the statement that you wish you had one more night like that to spend with your baby.
I can’t seem to pull the video up on my phone, but I am just always in awe with what you have to say. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with parents. I think it is so important. It helps bring me back to center and reminds me to look at the real issues. Thanks for all you do. The way you describe the baby “knowing” when the dad moves reminds me of how my son, and daughter are as we do co-sleep. Sometimes it can be frustrating and tiring (when things like work and chores need to get done), but I always smile knowing they find comfort in being close to me.