I’ve heard so many parents share their frustrations with throwing their children’s birthday parties, and how they feel they have to “keep up with the Jones’.” (I have talked with many parents about this and most want to make parties simple again, but feel social pressure around doing so).
Parties nowadays are far more about the “stuff.” Gifts, goodie bags, hired princesses, farm animals, magicians…..there’s even a reality show about outrageous kids birthdays on TLC.
Here are just a few quick ideas for how to make it more meaningful, and help show your child (and guests), that birthdays are about more important things than just presents:
Invite close friends instead of everyone and their brother
– so many parties (especially with younger children) parents invite everyone in the child’s class (to be inclusive, which is nice, but what does that teach?) and then siblings come as well, and parents, and you end up throwing a party for 75 people which is a huge undertaking! It is overwhelming for the young child and teaches quantity is more important than quality.
Consider a unique gift policy
Many parents on invites write “please no gifts” because they don’t need more “stuff.”
-
Book exchange
This can be instead of a gift, and can also be the party favor….recycles books around the group and the children love picking these out from the table
Here’s a quick video on doing a book exchange:
-
Pick a charity
Have guests bring some canned food or clothes to donate to a local charity of the bday child’s choice instead of a gift
Goodie bag alternative:
Rather than get a junky goodie bag, full of things that parents don’t want littered around the house, why not give a more meaningful parting gift….ie. a small photo frame (there are many cute ones that are not expensive) and add a photo to it of your child and their friend from the party). Here’s a previous post I did on goodie bags…..with more details.
Give gratitude notes
(this can be instead of a goodie bag or in addition to)
The earlier we start this, the better – then the children really have a different vision for what birthdays are all about. 🙂 But it’s never too late to start.
Some parents are afraid the other children will not have as much fun, and that somehow that will reflect negatively on their child. (I’ve helped parents throw these types of parties and the feedback from both parents and children has been AWESOME).
Kids have fun at all parties – why not help teach them some great values at the same time?
We refrain from throwing a party every year – we have friends who do this and yes I like the idea that it is a chance to see them and catch up – because parties have gotten to be this way that you describe – it was far less about celebrating the year that has passed or the upcoming ear for the child – or commemorating their coming into the family… so to at least have birthdays not taken for granted we simply don’t do parties every year, but of course we celebrate! Having parties for the kids while so young and close in age created undue stress – so the easier choice was to opt out of doing them every year.
I’ve always had a mentality of “better to invite and let our guests choose to decline” because I grew up hating to be discluded and have a hard time finding that balance in teaching my kids about inclusion but limiting numbers. It takes a lot of thought about teaching one lesson in one scenario but then to not utilize it in a seperate thing. Do you get what I’m saying? Of course it is necessary though because inviting an entire class to a party is too overwhelming – although lots of parents do it. When I helped my daughter pick a specific number of people to invite to her 5th birthday, I disliked the idea that by whittling down our invite list we were demonstrating favoritism and teaching her to pick favorites. it was a spot where I felt a double edged sword in my parenting journey.
I will be looking at all these great tips as my daughter turns 7 soon!
I totally understand that dilemma! Especially with the young ones – we want to teach them to be inclusive and not leave anyone out (which is a kind and considerate thing to do). I remember when I did that when my daughter was in preschool. And the next thing I knew, I was hosting a party with food, decorations, favors – for 75 people!!!
What I didn’t think about ahead of time was that the children were too young to be dropped off….so the parents came (which I knew, but didn’t realize what that REALLY meant). Sometimes in pairs. Then I’d get the calls or emails asking about siblings…can they come too? Then how can you say no to that, right? So the class had 24 children, and very easily it gets to be huge.
I look back at these parties and there are not many people in the pictures who are still in our lives a few years later. Children going off to different schools, moving, etc. Pretty much the only consistency is family that attended. Perhaps the idea is to keep family the primary party with a couple of special friends? Who knows. I don’t have the answer, but just think the most important part of being a conscious parent is to be thoughtful with what you choose to do for YOUR family…and live YOUR values, not how other people live theirs. 🙂
I am guilty as charged! I love the ideas you shared. For the most part, we are all about making birthday’s meaningful. We actually celebrate every month with a little cupcake…just Mommy and Daddy and whoever happens to be with us that day. Today we are actually celebrating her half birthday…I wish I would have read this sooner. I admit I got bogged down by the details. Being a professional planner, it is challenging to plan parties for yourself, at least in my opinion, especially when you have a large family. My husband and I were just talking about how next year, we’re going on a family trip instead. Anyway, I love surprising my daughter by really bringing the things she loves to life, in one place for all her friends and family to share. She is being dedicated today (like being baptized) and to make this part of the party more meaningful, we kept invited only close and immediate family members. Thank you for the insight and for bringing me back to the true meaning of celebrating 🙂
I think it is very hard to get out of the party throwing tradition, especially when our children get older and they are expecting to have one. I have begun to have conversations over the last couple of years with my 7 year old about how parties are about a special experience with a few good friends. (When I was little, I had a kids party, and then my family would come over and do a dinner together as a little celebration – so the two were always separate).
I share with her some cool ideas we could do together at her next party, with a few friends. More unique experiences ( like going to the zoo with a few friends, or going crystal mining). These things cost more per person, but with fewer people, it ends up being less money, AND more special.
These are just a few ideas to help parents build some more meaning back into the party experience. Parties are fun, and there’s nothing wrong with having them – why not add some extra “values” into the mix. 🙂
I almost forgot! This year we also asked friends and family to bring non-perishable food items for the Mama’s Kitchen Independence from Hunger Campaign. We have a bin that will be available for them to drop food from their pantry or that they purchased. I think it is important to teach kids at an early age how to give back!