One of the struggles I face when parenting is feeling like I am saying no all the time. I have NO problem setting a boundary (see, there it is again! 🙂 ), I just don’t want to always be SAYING the word “no.” Even when my little one was a toddler (when that word has a tendency to come out often), I tried the best I could to say the same thing in a different way. And I find now that she’s older, it still works.
I try hard to always put things into a positive spin, rather than be restrictive. Rather than say, “We can’t have those things” instead I tell her “we CAN have these things.” I steer her in the direction of what she has the option to choose from, rather than emphasize the things I don’t want her to have. Abraham Hicks explains that focusing on what you can’t have, or what is making you unhappy, creates “resistance.” And the more resistance you have, the more things you will bring into your life that make you unhappy. The antidote to that is to immediately shift your attention to something that makes you happy, and raises your vibration. I try to do this with my little one (and myself) any chance I get.
When she asks me for something while we are out and about that I’d rather she not eat, I’ll enthusiastically say “You can have X or Y instead!” and she usually rushes to pick amongst the two choices, and quickly forgets about the original thing she had asked for. No resistance left there, but she feels empowered that she has made her choice.
Of course that N-O word still comes out of my mouth (especially when I’m tired), but I find that when I set the intention to respond (rather than react) I am able to do it in a much more effective fashion. Without having to engage in a battle of wills.
Subtle difference, but it works wonders in our house.
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