I find it fascinating how often a parent will tell their child something, but then turn around and do the very same thing they are telling their child not to do. I find myself falling into this same trap on occasion and try to catch myself when I do that.
I watched a mom at a restaurant the other day, and she ordered a diet soda for herself, and then ordered waters for her children. When they whined they wanted soda, she told them no, it’s not healthy for them. Now kudos to the mom for not giving her child a diet soda, however, children pay more attention to our behaviors as parents than they do to our words.
Now some people might argue that there are some things that are only for adults, and not for children – which is true. And that children need to understand that. But that is not the message one wants to instill in the child as to why they should not be drinking a diet soda.
As conscious parents, we want to share our approach to life with our children, so they can see how that fits with who they are. Rather than tell her “No, I forbid you to drink diet soda” I tell her that I choose not to drink it as I prefer to put healthier things in my body. At this point, she wants to do what I do so it ends there, and I know this will change when she is older. While I child who is told not to do something may not do it, they lose out on the opportunity to learn reasoning and logic. I want my daughter to learn how to make good choices when I am NOT around. That way, when she is older, she will be armed with the way to make choices instead of just following orders. (‘Cause when she’s a teenager, she might choose to take “orders” from her peers, instead of from her parents…..I’d feel better with her knowing how to think for herself).
If you say it’s not healthy, and then you drink it yourself, then you are teaching your child that either a) you don’t practice what you preach, or b) you don’t respect your body enough to make healthy choices. When children get mixed messages, they will tend to model what you DO, not what you SAY.
If you are going to have an occasional diet soda, and don’t want your child drinking it, you will have a bit of a tougher road ahead. One suggestion – instead of saying “it’s not healthy” you could instead tell your child, “As an adult I can make choices for myself, and when you are one, you can as well.” Arguably, that will be a harder sell. This is one of the tough parenting questions….and a challenging one to navigate.
How do you handle that scenario? Are there things you do in front of your child that you tell them not to do – and how do you handle it when they try to do that same thing?
I drink coffee, and my daughter constantly asks to have one, too. My standard answer is that coffee has been proven to stunt your growth. I ask her if she is as tall as she ever wants to be in her life. When she says, “no,” I say, “Well, I guess you need to wait until you’re done growing taller to have that coffee.” She doesn’t like it, but it usually works.
That makes great sense for coffee, because it’s true! 🙂 Soda, harder to rationalize to your child in the same way as stunting growth. I like how you explain the rationale for why you don’t allow it….by putting it in the context of why she should choose not to have it. Rather than just saying, “Nope, can’t have it.” I have found with children, and clients, that when you explain the why, it results in it being easier to abstain from.
I use language that I’m not proud of, and of course my children have copied the cat!