Today was one of those moments as a parent where it just hurts. I dropped my daughter off at summer camp at our athletic club, where she has been many times before. All week, she has known she is going, and has voiced her displeasure of going there. Unfortunately, both her dad and I have to work today, so we haven’t any other options for child care.
All week, I’ve been sharing with her that her friend was going to be at the camp and they would have fun.
This morning was wrought with protests about going to the camp, and after talking about it with her, she resigned herself to going, comforted knowing her friend was going to be there.
When we arrived, we found out her friend was not there. My little one immediately began to cry silently, and pulled me close to her, clinging to me and crying into my shoulder. She was not trying to make a scene, or get her way, it was a completely genuine display of sadness. She literally had to be pried off of me, and had I not had a client coming for an appointment in half an hour, I would have just taken her home with me. She normally does not act clingy, so I try to honor that when the emotion comes up. But today I just couldn’t. And it broke my heart.
I’m sure a few minutes later, that she was up and making the best of it. I think she was not feeling that great this morning, either, so that could have been a contributing factor. I can hear the proverbial “they” saying “you’re the boss, you are the parent, your child needs to know that you have to go to work.”
I want her to know that I am always here for her, and that she can always count on me. I also know she needs to learn how to manage her emotions, and that sometimes life is not easy and fun. But today was just one of those days where I walked away, and started tearing up myself knowing how she was feeling. I felt a combination of emotions – my adult emotions relating to the situation, but also my childhood emotions of being in her position as a child and remembering how I felt. And then guilt that I had to go to work.
I’m leaving soon to go and pick her up, and look forward to an evening full of cuddles and quality time.
Leave a Reply